Selfish In Spite of Myself

I’m really relishing these last few weeks of my pregnancy. My belly has started growing and fortunately for me that’s the only place where I seem to be packing on the extra pounds. Hopefully this means, I will be able to shed them pretty quickly. And right now I’m wearing my pregnant belly proudly, almost trying to find ways to accessorize and draw attention to it. I can’t help myself. No longer do I have to tell people that I’m pregnant, because now they can see it. I must admit that I do love the attention I get especially from strangers. Occassionally a few of them will feel sorry for me as I’m pregnant in this miserable southern heat. Others want to offer up unsolicited advice on things I should do for myself and for my child. No matter what it is, I’m relishing the attention.

Davey has become more and more active as the days pass as well. He keeps me company at work, on my rides home, while I’m writing or reading at night. If I’m feeling sad, he seems to notice this and gives me a little nudge to let me know that he’s with me. My tears usually dry up at that point and I can’t help but smile as I caress my belly and dream of the day when I’ll get to hold him in my arms. And I suppose part of the selfishness I feel is also because at this moment, during these nine months, Davey is all mine. I don’t share him with anyone. I don’t get to leave him or drop him off at day care. He is literally with me 24/7 and it’s the greatest thing in the world. And while there are times I want to share him with others, in the end, I’m really glad he’s all mine, because once he comes into this world, he will have the attention of so many people.

A part of me does; however, feel guilty about not even wanting to share him with my husband. Some days I wake up and I smile knowing that this is mine and Davey’s time. We’ll have our special times when he’s born, I’m sure of it, but nothing will compare to what we have right now. Each day will create a new memory between the two of us, but in most cases those memories will be shared with others. Right now, these memories are of me and him. It’s selfish of me to be like this, I’m fully aware, but I can’t help myself.

So as I begin the countdown of 10 weeks left until he’s welcomed into this world, I plan to relish our time together. A time when he’s still in my womb. A time when he’s so tied to me and in tune with my feelings that he’s the only thing that can pick me up on a day when I’m feeling down. This is a time for me to experience a truly magical gift, one that unfortunately not every woman will experience. And I plan to continue to be as selfish with my son as possible. Is this wrong of me?

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