A New Year

New Years Resolutions.    Millions are made every year and millions are broken.   Everyone takes in the first day of the New Year with refreshing eyes.   There’s a sense of possibly wiping the slate clean or perhaps shining it up a bit and doing away with the dullness.  There’s something about the New Year that just brings on a sense of a fresh new breath of air.   Me?   I don’t think I’ve made a New Years resolution in a while.   Why bother?   I always break them, but as a mom I want to do better.   Don’t we all?

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about my life as mom.   Since we last spoke, I’ve gone back to work full time and it’s taken over a year for me to settle into this new lifestyle.   I have bouts of anxiety (brought on by my need to follow my “best is the standard” mantra – actually I stole that from my favorite coach.   Can anyone guess who that is?).  I have bouts of frustration and anger, lack of patience, days of feeling so overwhelmed that I think I’m going to drown in my own personal sea of desperation to be a “super mom”.

My boys are growing each day.   When I’m not working, I’m refereeing two overly competitive boys.   I’m trying my best to keep the romance in my marriage, although to be honest that falls to the wayside more times than I would prefer.   I’ve let go of my writing, something that I used to live for.   I stopped working out, which only seemed to drag me further down.   I had these strange dreams of how life would be as a working mom.   Everyone else made it look so easy.   Television shows, books, and magazines…they all made it seem like if you just “leaned in”, life would be grand.

Each day I’ve woken up promising myself that I will do better, that I will be better.   I will be the best mom my boys could have.   For the first few years of motherhood, I set up goals and resolutions to do more with my children, to take them on more adventures, to be the coolest mom that anyone had met.   Best let’s be serious, reality doesn’t always go the way we hope in our minds.

So this year, I’m not making a New Years Resolution.  Nope, not one.   I’m not even making two or three or ten or twenty.   I’m not setting any unrealistic goals for myself or my children or my family.   I just want to breathe.   I just want to take each day and remember that while the days seem long, the years are short.   I want to take a moment to just BE in the moment.    And oh yeah, I’d love to get back to writing again.   Let’s hope this blog on this first day of a New Year will set a new precedent for me.