Week 2 of SAHM and I’m getting into my routine. Last week, I spent the better part of it getting my feet wet again and trying to take care of any pressing matters, including non-baby related items, just so that my husband and I could get caught up on things. Well, a fresh new week arrived two days ago and I must say that Davey and I are swimming along famously.
Today was his first social outing with other babies since I became a SAHM. Our local library, as I’m sure most other libraries do as well, offers a weekly event known as “Bouncing Babies” for any child 1 month in age and up to 18 months. It’s a half hour of storytime, nursery rhymes, songs, and a few other little items for the kids. It’s a wonderful event as it allows mommy the opportunity to interact with other mommies and it allows baby the opportunity to have outside socialization which I am a firm believer in for a well-rounded child.
I admit, that I wasn’t nervous for Davey, but more so for myself. I like to think I have a pretty extroverted personality; however, I’m not big on idle chit-chat. If I don’t have something to say or I don’t know you, then I’m not going to put forth the effort to speak to you. It’s just not in my make-up. My son is a different story.
We entered the room to three mommies and four babies. I took my seat with Davey on the floor fartherest from the door, but closest to the teacher, who had the most adorable little bear puppet I’ve ever seen. Davey, all bright-eyed and alert, who never meets a stranger (which worries me as he gets older) was eager to get the party started. Each baby that walked or crawled over to him, my son struggled to touch each of them, anxious to communicate in his way. He would jump up and down while grasping tightly to my fingers and grunt out his form of talking even while holding tightly to his pacifier.
As storytime unfolded, I began to worry that Davey may not be as “in to” this as I had hoped. Instead of paying attention to the teacher as she read the first book, he looked around at each face, a few newer ones had filtered in. I wondered what was going on his head, his hazel eyes darting from one face to the next.
After a while of standing he decided to sit in my lap, but not once did he yawn, show disinterest or any sort of social awkwardness, unlike his mother at times. Once story time was over, Davey seemed to want to urge me to integrate myself into a lot of the other lives of mom and kids. I’m ashamed to say, I sat with Davey in my lap and let him play, while I watched other mothers talking amongst themselves. It worried me. Why don’t I have that ability to just go up and talk to other mothers? And here’s something else I found out about myself today too…I’ll gladly talk about my child especially if someone comes up and asks me about him, but I won’t do the same with others. Is there something wrong with me and hopefully whatever it is won’t rub off on Davey.
One of the mothers is starting a playgroup next week, something that puts a twinge of anxiety into the pit of my stomach. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to have to socialize with other mommies, but I also WANT to do it. I want to be that mommy who has outside interaction with other mommies. I want to be that mommy that plans play dates. I don’t want to be the type of mommy who hangs out at home, hiding away from society because I may not feel comfortable navigating the waters of it.
So, we’re going to continue with “Bouncing Babies” every Wednesday and I’m going to RSVP for me and Davey to attend a playdate next week. I’m going to bite the bullet. And I know it’s the best thing for both of us, but why is it so difficult for me to do?
What I’m finding out each day with my son, is that he’s helping me more than I feel I’m helping him. He’s making me into a better person BECAUSE of him. He’s making me step outside of my comfort zone and he’s pulling a very reluctant mommy into events that she can only hope will be better for the both of us.