I have three degrees. One is in English, another in Communications and Political Science, and finally a third in Business Administration. My dreams were to be a corporate executive, to kick butt and take names. Men were going to bow down to me and I was going to be the one to call the shots. My all time favorite movie has always been Working Girl and I swore that one day I would be like Melanie Griffith. Did I just admit to that?
I wanted to be devoid of all emotions, to shut it all out because emotions only get in the way, they cloud judgment and prevent accomplishments. I was going to be successful and a shining star for the Feminist Movement. Marriage wasn’t a priority and having a baby was NEVER in the stars.
Then after college and as I started climbing the corporate ladder, I saw so many strong women running corporations and offices, maintaining a career, while also being moms. I thought, “I can do this too! This is something I want. After all, what if I’m missing out on something by being so rigid in my stance of not becoming a mother?” So, I decided to just do it and Voila, Davey is here.
What I did not anticipate was conflicting feelings of guilt about not spending enough time with my son. I didn’t expect to feel torn between a career and work. I found I wasn’t giving enough attention to my career because I was constantly thinking about what I was missing with Davey and then even when I was with Davey I felt guilty because he still wasn’t getting my undivided attention because I was worried about who I was letting down at work.
So, I did something I never thought I would do…became a stay at home mom, which I must confess is a LOT harder than people may think.
Just because I don’t go into an office, doesn’t mean I get to sleep late. Just because I don’t go to a job, doesn’t mean I’m not busting my rear. My day isn’t 9-5, it’s midnight to midnight, non-stop, every day for the rest of my life. Each day is different, each experience is new and exciting, each smile from Davey reassures me that I did the right thing.
Fashion no longer matters to me. Most of my clothing is stained with poop or spit up or snot (because he sneezed and I was nowhere near a tissue, burp cloth or any sort of towel so I used my sleeve). My hair is no longer fixed, I wear it in a pony tail even when I may want to go out in public (it’s best considering the fact that Davey reaches for everything and spits up at the slightest wisp of wind). I once wore heels, now I’m in flats, as I’m afraid my lack of grace will cause me to fall when I’m carrying my son. My life has done a complete 360, and while I may have days of wondering what’s going on in the outside world and what I gave up to be a SAHM, I don’t regret it.
I have a friend, former SAHM, who once told me that being a mom is the most underappreciated occupation especially for those of us who need to hear that we’re doing good in life. I laughed at her because I thought it didn’t matter, that I could make it through without needing to hear how wonderful of a job I’m doing. I must confess, I find myself working hard every day to keep our house together, to raise our son, and to still find time to devote to my writing, and I miss hearing the words, “I appreciate you. Good job! Excellent work! You’re so devoted.”
Am I complaining about being a SAHM? NOPE. I highly encourage this occupation as it’s the hardest you’ll ever work in your life, but I wouldn’t be giving you all a fair shake if I didn’t at least say there are things in my former life I miss.