Every mother tells me to sleep when I can, to enjoy the fact that I was so tired during my first trimester and that I was able to sleep so much. I’ve laughed at a few of them considering the fact that sleep is one of the few things I loathe with a passion. I don’t like sleep because it is quite literally the most unproductive thing in the world. I’ve even found myself questioning why God couldn’t create us to not EVER sleep, but it is a futile question. I’ll never have an answer to that and it is what it is, we were created this way. So, now I’m five months along in my pregnancy and while I do have a lot more energy than I did during the first three months, I still find myself falling asleep around 9:30 at night. And here is where I am in my conundrum.
Being pregnant, I actually enjoy sleep. I look forward to having my mid afternoon naps on Saturdays and Sundays. I long for a night that I can sleep all the way through. I’ve even managed to find a way to still remain in a slumber like state while going to the bathroom in the middle night, so that I can climb back in bed and fall back to sleep pretty easily. This week; however, I’ve found myself in a different light.
Davey has decided to make himself known to me on a nightly, or should I say morning, basis. I usually fall asleep to his kicking at night. It’s soothing and calming and brings about a sense of peace that I’ve never experienced before. It overshadows my typically selfish nature as I can’t help but smile knowing this is my boy inside of me and he’s nudging me as if to say “I love you, Mom,” or “thanks for taking care of me, Mom.” I feel like these little kicks and jabs are his way of communicating with me and they have created a bond that I never once thought I would experience. Unfortunately, Davey usually wakes me up with his punches and jabs around 3 every morning and here’s where I’m in a pickle. I want to sleep. I need to sleep, but I also need to feel my son.
There’s a part of me that wants to be angry because Davey is waking me up. I find myself pleading with him to let me have these nights of sleep because I’m afraid I won’t have them when he arrives. Problem is, I feel guilty pleading for him to stop his love taps because again it’s his way of bonding with me. When he wakes me at 3 in the mornings, I allow myself to stay awake, encouraging it as a matter of fact because I love feeling him. I just wish he would kick more often during the day and let me sleep at night.
Either way, I look forward to the night-time as it is when he is most active and I can’t wait until the day that his daddy can feel his little nudges.