Never Say Goodbye

“Diiixxxiieee,” my son likes to call out while searching for our dog.   He’s very melodramatic about it and at times can sound a bit conniving and evil, but he loves Dixie.   She is his best friend, his protector, and quite literally the greatest playmate he could have.

One of our early pictures.
One of our early pictures.

This past Friday I took Dixie in for her monthly grooming and her annual check up.   She was gone most of the day and my son pathetically stalked around the house looking for her.   It actually broke my heart when he would come up to me and shrug his shoulders while quietly belting out, “Diiixxxiiieee.”

 

Good Morning, Mes Amis!
Good Morning, Mes Amis!

 

That afternoon after picking her up, I took a look at her review sheet where the vet goes through every part of her check up and let’s us know how things went.   Being a super anal mommy, I have all of these from our first vet appointment for Dixie.   I’m always eager to get them to see how my girl is doing.   Unfortunately, I saw one thing that caught my attention and I voiced it to my husband.   We then did some research on the condition to find out that if it’s not treated then Dixie could die.At first I was angered at the vet for just putting this on a piece of paper and not talking to me about it, but then my emotions quickly moved to fear, worry, and sadness, especially as I watched Davey lay his head on Dixie’s back while watching television.

Peace offering
Peace offering

I’ve had my ups and downs with Dixie.   I’ve had days of sheer frustration with her, where I’ve told her that I would take off her collar, open the front door and let her be free.   Whoever picked her up would be her new family.   Don’t worry, I’ve never followed through with that threat.   Then I have days where I sit back and think about how protective she was of me when I was pregnant and how she would guard over Davey when we brought him home.   I thought about how much my son loves her, how  most mornings when he wakes up, her name is the first he says.   I thought about how wonderfully gentle she is with him, how she lets him hug her, stroke her back, and even rest his head on her.   Then I thought about how one day I’m going to have to tell my son that Dixie is no longer with us, and right now I’m just not prepared for that.

I don’t think he would really understand, but he would be cognizant of the fact that she was no longer around.   How would he handle it?   If it’s anything like last Friday when he looked like he would shed tears at any moment, I don’t think I could handle seeing that.

Reading to Dixie
Reading to Dixie

Today she is back at the vet having surgery and having a mass tested for cancer.   Let’s pray that she’ll be alright and that my son’s best friend is coming home tonight.   This is one milestone and life lesson that this mama isn’t ready to handle yet.

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