A Look Back

His first birthday is officially in the history books and has been for at least 3 days now, but I seem to wake up sad about it.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that the actually celebration is over or if it’s the fact that he’s growing older each day.   We can’t go back…there’s only 1 first birthday.

Saturday morning, I found myself curled up in the recliner, a hot cup of coffee in my hand, and all of Davey’s birthday cards from the night before.   During all the excitement of his birthday and opening packages, I never really had the opportunity to read the cards, and my husband can attest to this….I LOVE cards.

After Davey woke up on Saturday, we pretty much spent a lazy day of playing with all of his toys.   I was in complete awe as I watched the wheels turning in my son’s brain.   He would go from one toy to the next, easily picking it up and playing with it, at times twisting it over and over in his hands as if to inspect each tiny little crevice.

He’s become a huge fan of music, so most of his toys have some sort of musical capability to them, including the new toys.    I laughed as he would bring one to me, push a button and then show me his jazz hands while turning around in a circle to the music.    And as I watched him, I thought back to how quickly a year has rolled by.

A year ago today, Davey was 3 days old.   It was officially our first day home from the hospital and while it felt good to sleep in my own bed, I still wasn’t prepared for the every 2 hour wake up call for a feeding.   I can remember for the first time in my life not caring one iota as to what my physical appearance was like.    All I cared about was having my beautiful baby boy for every second of the day.

A year ago, I was already looking into the future and panicking about how I would be able to go back to work and leave my son in the hands of some stranger.    A year ago, I was experiencing a new love, a complete love, one that I’d never had before.   A year ago, I was embracing my new role with a new level of insecurity and even fear.   A year ago, I was basking in the limelight of being a mommy.

Today, I’m spending a cold, rainy Monday curled up on the couch with my precocious little 1 year old (still feels odd saying that) and watching Bambi while eating goldfish.    Today, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, I’m content, and I’m blessed.

A year ago, I was unsure of what to expect.   At times my fears of the unknown were crippling and debilitating, but I survived a year…we all did.   We grew, we loved, we learned, and we became a stronger family.

Can’t wait to see what the second year has in store.

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