I stopped everything I was doing.   I couldn’t help myself, it was almost as if I no longer had control over my body or movements.  Perhaps that’s a stretch and I did have control, but my mind pretty much blocked out everything else.   I should have been getting in the car to go home, but I couldn’t.  I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything else once it happened.   All I wanted to do was soak it all in, drench myself in the euphoria it brought forth.   I didn’t want the feeling to stop.  I didn’t want to think about it stopping.   Could I just freeze time?

Then today it happened again!   It’s so intoxicating and addictive!  My husband and I both found ourselves blocking out our surroundings just to bask ourselves in the little paradise that had been carved out for us.   Anything that may have gone wrong in the day was completely washed away.   Any thoughts of chores to be accomplished were immediately moved to tomorrow.   Anything that seemed to be the next event of the day quickly became replaced.  

There’s something about a child’s first laugh that really brings a parent down to their knees.   And I’m not talking about a little smile or grin or smirk.  I’m talking about a full volume belly shaking laugh.   The kind of laugh that is just so infectious that you can’t help but laugh as well and your laughs bring about tears, but they’re tears of joy.  

Davey had his first belly giggle on Friday when I picked him up from daycare.    It happened just as I was changing his diaper and I laughed so hard with him, I actually hurt and then I cried because that laugh was truly the greatest joy I’d experienced in quite some time.  

And, boy, oh boy, that giggle is catching!

Far be it for me to judge other mommies.   Obviously I do not hold the gold medal, much less the silver or bronze, in the Mommy championship arena.   I’m new at this, so I don’t always know what I’m doing and most everything is a bit of trial and error.  

Last weekend was a good example of this.   Saturday morning, my husband and I were calling the doctor bright and early because of what appeared to be a rash that was quickly dispersing across my son’s entire body.    I try not be the over-reacting, dramatic mother who worries about every little cut, bump, sneeze, cough or rash.  I don’t want the doctor to flinch every time the phone rings because he fears it’s me calling.   I don’t want to alienate my doctor!  After all, the pediatric group I take my son to is highly esteemed. 

Instead I call my sister-in-law, a pediatric nurse and thanks to modern-day technology, send her photos via text messages.   Immediately, she said to call the doctor, so I did.

What we found out is that my son has atopic dermatitis, which is nothing more than severe eczema.  He was put on steroid cream, Keflex, and an antihistamine at night.   Twice a day he gets a bath in two tablespoons of baking powder and warm water, and then his entire body is creamed down (my new terminology) with Cetaphil lotion and a steroid cream.  The steroid cream can NOT be used on his face since it will thin out the skin. 

After the doctor’s visit, we spent the entire day with a child that was so miserable he couldn’t sleep.   He cried all day, tried to scratch his body, hardly ate and wouldn’t even cuddle with either me or my husband.   I watched in misery as my child writhed in pain and discomfort.   I sat in the bathroom and cried at the fact that I was so helpless, that I couldn’t fix what was wrong with him.   I felt sick to my stomach at the thought that my child despised ME because he thought I wasn’t doing enough to make him feel better.   My heart literally ached with each little moan.  I put aside anything about me, anything that I needed (including sleep) for him.   So, I can’t imagine how other mother’s couldn’t possibly do the same.

I have one acquaintance whose baby was born a few weeks after mine and the child was born with a health condition that required hospitalization for a while.   The baby is now home, but the parents went out for a night of drinking and partying with friends last night as opposed to staying home with their child.  As a matter of fact, they’ve been out on drinking excursions far more than my husband and I have in the past 2 years.    They pawn off their child to either a babysitter or family members.   It’s infuriating to me.  

In my eyes, the child comes first, my child comes first.  His needs and wants rank higher than mine OR my husband’s.   When you become a parent, life changes, and you change with it.   You can’t keep up the same lifestyle as before.   

I try so hard not to judge, but I can’t imagine leaving my sick or even newborn child at home just to go out drinking with friends.   I just can’t understand the thought process of other mothers or even their rationale, but again I can’t and shouldn’t judge.