I look at it with disgust, angry that what I once saw was peace and longing. Its firm supports and extra large size always made me eager for its nocturnal qualities. We bought it, having tried out so many others, but this one was the best. He put his best support foward and plush tops were prominently displayed as he eagerly drew us in. For years, it was my respite, my desire, my favorite place to be, but now I find myself becoming angry with my former friend. I no longer believe he has the ability to provide me the comfort I so desperately desire.
There were nights he would caress my back, engulfing my body into a type of cocoon, a security and comfort that made me melt. I used to curl up in him and hold myself tightly, at times feeling like I could drift off into a dream like state. As a matter of fact, I did drift off into that state for quite some time, but not anymore.
My bed and his brother, the mattress, now are my antagonizers since I’ve become pregnant. I used to get excited thinking about their comforts, curling up in the blankets and comforters while I drifted off to sleep. I used to sleep through the night, never once waking up with each toss and turn, but not anymore. I dread this time of the night and my new nemesis, the bed.
I used to sleep so well on my stomach. It was always my favorite position, but not anymore. My mattress doesn’t conform to my burgeoning belly, which means I try to sleep on my back. Is that possible? No way! Now I feel like I sink too far into the bed and cannot breathe. It’s almost as if a pile of weights is pressing down on my chest. I’m now forced onto my side. On my left side, I breathe better and apparently so does my son, but there’s no place to put my arm, so it just dangles off the side of the bed. If I move onto my right side, then in most cases I’m forced to face my husband, who has a tendency to snore and breathe in my face. Can’t happen! So, now what must I endure? A few sporadic hours of sleep here and there.
What happened to my bed, the one that was marketed as the most comfortable? The one that used to lull me to sleep in the blink of an eye. I’m exhausted right now, my son is not kicking (hopefully that’s a sign) and I really want to sleep, but the anticipation of what lies upstairs is so disheartening. I can only hope that my love for my former friend will return within a matter of weeks. Until then, I’m off to wrestle the beast for another night. Perhaps tonight is my night to win.