Is there something wrong with me? Today marks my 34th week! Holy cow! That means my son should be here in my arms within six weeks, and for once in my life I’m calm. Is that normal?
Last week, my husband and I took a tour of the maternity ward at the hospital. There were at least 4 other couples on this tour with us who seemed to be a bit more involved than my husband and I. I can’t help but wonder if I’m suffering from a bit of ADD where my child is concerned and that is therefore impacting my seemingly calm state of mind at becoming a mother. The reason these concerns have started to pop up in my mind is based upon my observations of other mothers who were on this tour. Let me offer examples and then basically explain my rationale.
Each mother asked questions last week. These questions ranged from where should we park the car, what entrance should we enter through, and is there any additional paperwork we need to complete? You know what? I didn’t have a single question, nor did I have a single worry! One mother was actually writing verbatim what the tour guide, a nurse, was saying about our birthing experience, and the various rooms we may be staying in. I watched her frantically try to keep up with the nurse as we walked the halls, eagerly asking questions as if she were attempting to brown nose at the hope of acing a test! What did I do? I hung back with my husband, listened to what was said (not sure if I fully digested it) and looked at the intricacies of the various rooms.
I suppose my concern at being too calm is a contradiction in itself. After all, if I’m worried about being too calm, doesn’t that mean I’m not actually calm? Oh my goodness! I’m starting to feel my inner sense of peace quickly swirling down the drain. I told my husband that I’m concerned that I’m not concerned. I’m relying on him to just know which door to enter through and that someone will be there with a wheelchair to chauffeur me to my next destination. I apparently have no concern as to how he’ll find me! That can’t be normal!
And here’s the other thing that’s hit me…I haven’t actually packed my overnight bag yet. According to most mothers AND non-mothers, I’m WAY behind schedule. I can’t exactly pack an overnight bag just yet if for no other reason than the fact that I’m still using some of the items that need to go in my overnight bag. My husband has even told me I’m behind schedule on this front.
So, perhaps it’s not that I’m calm, but instead I’m in a severe state of procrastination, and I do my best work under pressure. Maybe that’s a sign! Of what I’m not sure, but I can only imagine that my calmness will soon fade and be replaced with intense chaos and hysteria once Davey arrives.