Peaceful, Easy Feeling

I’m not getting that vibe right now.  Nope.  Not as I sit here and complete paperwork for my youngest to participate in a Mother’s Morning Out program.

Davey started at First Presbyterian Academy’s MMO program two years ago.  I was nearly 6 months pregnant with Henry and truthfully I enrolled Davey just so I could have a little bit of peace, even if only one day a week.   I wanted him to get set into that routine before Henry arrived, so that he would have at least ONE thing that wasn’t disrupted by the arrival of a new baby.

Being pregnant, I wasn’t able to participate as much in any sort of volunteer opportunities.  Truthfully, I didn’t want to get involved for one reason, but I used my pregnancy and the birth of Henry as an excuse.   My one reason…I’m not comfortable meeting new people.  I think I’m a bit socially awkward.   I’m not good at idle chit chat, and I don’t have a witty sense of humor, well not initially.   That wittiness usually arrives hours later after I’ve dwelled upon my uncomfortable encounter and replayed different scenarios and end results in my head.

After MMO was over for Davey, I enrolled him in K2 at the Academy last year.  Once again I didn’t volunteer for anything.  I did things on my own, secretly berating myself for being so insecure, thereby making my child suffer the repercussions of having an unwieldy mom amongst societal peers.   I did participate in the occasional classroom party, but I felt like an outcast.  In hindsight, I should have introduced myself to the other parents, but I didn’t.   After said parties, I usually came home feeling dejected, less than mom like, and a complete failure.   My poor husband not only had to deal with craziness at work, but also craziness at home.  This year, that’s going to change.

Right now I’m looking at a volunteer sheet for Henry’s MMO program.  I studied it for a moment and perused the options I had before finally deciding that I’ll volunteer to be Room Mom.  Yep!  That’s right.  I’m going to possibly coordinate Teacher Appreciation, Christmas gifts, and other little parties.   Of course, there’s a possibility that a more Pinterest friendly mom may win the position, but I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone and I’m volunteering.

I don’t have that peaceful, easy feeling.  No sir, but I’m going to do it anyways.   Stay tuned, for if I should get this position then I’m sure craziness will abound along with a few complaint from me, the occasional whine and frustration, and the desire to end my day with a little brown liquor.


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