My husband is reading this book for father’s about the first year of their child’s life. He came across some interesting information about a child’s first smile and decided to share it with me. Of course, me still riding the somewhat emotional roller coaster I’ve been partaking in since becoming pregnant, took what he told me to a completely different realm from what was intended.

Apparently, it is possible for when a child smiles at mommy it can be because he associates mommy with food and when he smiles at daddy it’s because he associates daddy with playtime. Disappointing to say the least. I don’t want to think that my son is smiling at me because he sees me as a smorgasboard, an all you can eat buffet, his meal ticket. I want to know that he’s smiling at me because he loves me, that he sees my face and he just lights up with excitement. Yeah, I’m ok with knowing that he smiles at me because I’m his food supplier, but I also want to be seen as the “fun” parent. I want to be seen as playtime mommy too!

Needless to say, once my husband told me this, not intending for me to take it to the levels of extreme mommy paranoia that I did, I began to worry about my supply of breast milk drying up and my son no longer needing me which means he’ll no longer smile at me. Have I lost my mind? Of course I have! Do I overly exaggerate everything? You know it! But the thought really has me worried. What happens when my breast milk does dry up? Will I no longer be the recipient of his beautiful and infectious smiles?

I spoke with my sister-in-law about this and her first reaction was to be frustrated with her brother for reading too much and telling me what he reads. And of course her retort was for me to tell my husband that when Davey smiles at him, it’s because Davey has gas. I actually used that line tonight!

Anyways, the food supply or lack thereof has managed to dominate all of my thoughts over the past few days. How long does it take for milk supply to dry up? And what happens when Davey wants more than I can give him and his frustrations push him into a crying fit that I can’t soothe? He has been able to get everything he needs from me for over 9 months while in the womb, then BAM! he comes out into the world and mommy doesn’t satisfy all of his needs. The thought terrifies me and consumes me. What good will I be then? I worry about how I’ll feel at that point. Will I deal with feelings of failure and disappointment for not being what my son needs? Plus, breast-feeding is my special time with Davey. What happens when that “special time” vacates our lives?

All of these thoughts wrap up into a bundle of paranoia that is only further compounded when my husband (bless his heart) tells me that my son’s smile for me = food supplier. Argh! Sometimes there’s just things a mother doesn’t want to hear. Whoever wrote that book or whatever supposed doctor came up with the statement, “baby smiles for mommy because he sees her as the provider of food” deserves to be tarred and feathered! There’s a lot more to mommy than just food supplier!