Today marks the start of my second full week at home with Davey and the first day without my husband at home.
Originally, I had a bit of trepidation and anxiety about being at home with Davey and not having the support of my husband. Would I be able to handle everything? What if something happened and I couldn’t cut it? What if today were to be the day that started post partdum depression (something that I know not every mother experiences, but one that I’ve been terrified would hit me)?
Well, the day is almost over and I have to say that I’ve done more than just survive, I have managed to conquer my fear of not being a good mother.
The day started out with a change of Davey’s diaper and a big ole poop into my hand as I wiped his tushy. I watched my son as he stopped crying and looked me in the eyes and couldn’t help but wonder if he were laughing at me. I wouldn’t blame him if he did, after all, I found it to be quite humorous myself. I thought for a moment, Lord, is this how my day is going to be and is this a sign of things to come or perhaps this is the worst already behind me?
My husband left an hour later for work and I fought hard to keep the lump in my throat down deep and talked myself off the ledge of tears of which I was about to jump. We’ve been one big happy family for over a week, just the three of us, hanging out at home and getting caught up on some much-needed time together. I was sad to see that part ending and that reality was rearing its ugly head again.
For the most part, my day went very well. Not only did I manage to navigate through 4 pee-pee diapers, 2 poopy diapers and one spit up all before lunch, but I also found out my son can hold his binky in his mouth all on his own now. I’m such a proud mommy!
My other worry for the day was being non-productive and not having anything to show for it with my husband, who God love him, had to go into work exhausted from Davey’s nightly feeding that woke him. I survived and felt good about myself and my role as a mother and I can’t wait to see what the next few days will bring and what adventure I will embark upon. Tomorrow is his 2nd doctor’s appointment, my first time driving in 2 weeks and I’m actually super excited about it all. Who knows, perhaps we’ll go see Davey’s Mimi while we’re out.