Road Rage on Hormonal Steroids

I could see it all happening in slow motion, but really it happened so fast that my adrenaline began pumping so quickly through my body that I was tempted to chase her down!

I’ve always had a certain level of road rage. I don’t have patience for idiotic drivers, nor do I care for those people who claim that they are entitled to a driver’s license and have a right to drive. First off, having a license is a privilege not a right and secondly, the whole sense of entitlement is what’s wrong with society and nauseates me more than my first trimester of pregnancy! And so sense I was already cursed with a short fuse, especially with fellow drivers, you can only imagine how much worse it is now that I’m pregnant. I sometimes have an out-of-body experience and imagine myself just snapping and claiming pre-partum anxiety as my mental defense when I finally decide to run the moronic drivers off the road!

Today, I’m on my way home from work, rush hour traffic on the interstate. I have already merged into the left hand lane off of my exit and got in behind a dark green Dodge Durango with an obnoxious Tennessee Volunteers sticker plastered on the back window. I turn my left directional on and decide to merge into the next lane, which happens flawlessly. With my directional off, I start to set my speed and cruise on down the interstate when Ms. Green Durango Vols Fan just decides to get over into my lane as well. What do I do? Well, the same thing any defensive driver would do, I lay on the horn! She seems to ignore this and keeps merging into my lane, while the entire time I’m pushing down on my horn. I didn’t even take the opportunity to see what was in the lane to my left, but immediately swerve into the left hand lane as the Durango comes into mine. Immediately I look into my rearview mirror and see a gentleman in a champagne colored Ford Focus slam on his brakes and all I can think is “oh my, God, this is going to cause a huge pile up and I’m going to go into labor early!”

By this point, Ms. Tennessee is right alongside me and is on her cell phone! She already has one hand off the wheel as she’s using it to hold her cell phone and proceeds to take the other hand off the wheel to flip me off and mouth a very unladylike word that I can only imagine is F you! Then she speeds off! At that point my temper was boiling over and had I have been in my old car, my beloved Maggie, I would have had the power to chase after her. What I was going to do if I caught her, I don’t know, but you can bet that I have in the past chased after a car and actually kicked a dent into a man’s passenger side door for stupidity like this.

So, if any of you out there might happen to know this dark-haired shoulder length brunette who drives a green Dodge Durango with a Tennessee bumper sticker and was on Interstate 385 around 5:10 this afternoon, she best be warned. Mama has no patience for people like this anymore. I’ve got less than 4 weeks left of pregnancy and my tolerance level has dropped. I can guarantee that whatever damage I cause to her car, I can make sure I won’t have to deal with the repercussions because I plan to play my hormonal pregnancy card.

I feel a lot better just getting that off my chest.


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