Icky Pregnancy Side Effects

*****warning******what you may read below may disgust many of you, proceed with caution and please forgive my bluntness

I subscribe to BabyCenter, a website for people who are expecting a child, have a child, or working towards becoming a parent at some point.    At least once a week, I receive an email with fun facts, crazy myths, and juicy little tidbits about the latest and greatest in baby trends.   This week I found a headline that grabbed my attention, so I obviously had to read it.   The link to the article is right here:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_10-icky-pregnancy-side-effects_10312447.bc?scid=preg_2_20110421:2&pe=MlV6VEF6UHwyMDExMDQyMQ..

I don’t want to really address each individual icky factor, but I must say after reading this article I do feel a lot better about myself.    For months, I thought I was an anomaly.  Although I’ve been reading books about what to expect during pregnancy, I have still thought a few of the thingsI’ve experienced as of late a bit to the extreme.   The first of which is the gas factor.   Mother of all things baby-making, I’ve never had so much gas in my life!   It’s insane.   I’ve always been proud of my capabilities to belch with the best of the beer guzzling males around, but farting?   Give me a break!   I hate it when my husband does it and I’m constantly asking him to suppress it.   He tells me that it’s not possible and for the longest time I always thought that was an excuse he had.  Boy, was I wrong!   He wasn’t joking!    It’s freaking hard to suppress a fart especially in public!   I’m starting to feel like my grandmother.    I can remember when I was a kid and we would walk to the beauty parlor, she would fart with every foot step.   She used to tell me it was barking frogs.  Ha!  I always told myself I would never be like that.  I was naive.   It’s even so bad, that apparently I fart in my sleep!   How embarrassing and apparently my farts are silent, but deadly almost like carbon monoxide…..except you don’t smell carbon monoxide.  

The next icky side effect goes hand in hand with the gas…..constipation.    I can totally sympathize with Juno Macguff from the movie Juno when she tells her parents she’s pregnant and said if it’s any consolation, she hasn’t had a dump in a week.   It’s so true.   I can’t ever recall this level of not being able to have a decent bowel movenment.   I’ve tried drinking more water, eating more fiber rich foods and nothing seems to work until I bought some over-the-counter little miracle worker which I’m super embarrassed to even share that I actually purchased!   Ok, ok (gasp) I actually bought a stool softener.   Ok, trigger my heave reflexes and the cold chills at the fact that I shared this with you all.   What is it with these kids we carry and what they’re doing to our bodies!?!?!   I’m actually shocked that my body can withstand this level of torture, and yeah constipation is torture!   Those of you who’ve experienced it, know I’m right!

The other two side effects I’ve had the fortunate luxury to experience have been minor compared to the two listed above.   I have been prone to nose bleeds lately, which is another disgust factor in my book, and then there’s the itchy skin.   I don’t think my skin has ever been so starved for moisture in my entire life and it itches all the time as if I have a thousand bugs crawling all over me.    I have literally gotten to the point where I want to cry because my skin itches so much and I’m afraid if I scratch too much, I’ll literally take layers of skin off!  

I’m almost 18 weeks along, so I have approximately 22 weeks to go and I’m really beginning to worry about my resolve.   I’ve been fortunate in that I haven’t had the nausea that so many other women have experienced, but my levels of gas and constipation have been more than overwhelming.   And in spite of all of this, I’ve never been so happy or excited in my entire life.

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