So Long! Farewell!

first day of school
First Day of School for the 2015/2016 School Year.

“Tomorrow is the last day of school,” I said quietly to my husband last night as we sat on the couch reading books.   We’d just put both boys to bed and were relaxing.   I had attempted to get my mind focused on my book, to get lost in a fictional world, but my mind kept evading the words on the pages.   I kept thinking about the last day of school.

“It makes me sad,” I continued when my husband didn’t say anything to me.

“Why?  Because you’ll have to have them the entire time?” he asked me.  I was shocked and angered by his pointedness.   It hurt, I can’t lie, but I brushed it off as the tears started to roll down my cheeks.

“No.  I’m sad because it’s another chapter that is written and closing.   I’m sad because for some reason it is just hitting me that Davey will be 5 in just 4 short months.”

And there it was.   My oldest, the one who made me a mother, is quickly becoming a big boy, a child no more, someone who won’t need or want mom’s hugs and kisses.   Then there’s Henry, my demon child who’s an angel for everyone else.   Well, he’s officially going into K2 AND on top of that is getting a big boy room!   It’s just too much!

There are times, especially on days like the last few I’ve had, when I wish I had a time machine like Orson Welles wrote about.   I’d want this time machine to take me back to the moments in my children’s lives.   I want to get out and experience it all over again, not just relive it all through videos and pictures.   My husband asked me if this meant I wanted to start over, to have another child?   No.  I don’t want that.   I just want my babies to still be my babies.

As I picked the boys up from school today, I found myself choking back tears and trying to beat down that lump slowly rising in my throat.   Henry’s teacher actually cried when he hugged her.   As a matter of fact, he hugged every teacher and even a few of the kids.   When I spoke to him this morning about it being his last day and not getting to see Levi, Tommy, and Rob again, he asked, “why?” and his little lip quivered.   Shame on me for stirring up that emotion especially since it broke my heart a little and even more so when I saw the sweetness that is my Henry hug all of his friends good bye and exclaim, “have a good summer.”

Davey hugged his teachers, he hugged his classmates, and even managed to squeeze in a hug for another parent.   As he was being placed in the car, one of the teachers asked if he was enrolled to come back next year, because as she said, “I just can’t imagine my school year without this happy face.”

I have my trying days with my boys, days when I want to throw in the towel, days when my patience gets the better of me.  I have days when I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and then shout from the rafters, “I can’t wait for you two to grow up!”   Am I really ready for them to grow up?   Probably not, but I don’t have a say in the matter.

So, as we say, “so long and farewell” to this school year, I want to give a huge thank you to every teacher who has worked with my both of my boys, who have loved them, taught them, and treasured them as much as I do.   I’m excited for K4 & K2 next year, but right now I desperately want to cling to their memories and adventures from this past year.   I’m afraid that the winds of change may rip the balloon string from my fingers, their innocence and childhood floating away.

last day of school
Last day of school for the 2015/2016 school year.

Good Night, Sweetheart

I’ve found myself singing that old Sha-Na-Na song, “Good night, Sweetheart”, when trying to put Henry to bed. I’ve actually found myself doing a lot of things over the past three weeks in an effort to put Davey to bed at night. Lately, I’ve felt like sleeping at night is more like a chemistry experiment, as opposed to just getting in my nice warm bed and closing my eyes and drifting off. And let me just say, I HATED Chemistry. I sucked at it, couldn’t stand it, and was beyond being excited when those days of my high school were over.

You see, here’s my issue, and it’s the same issue countless other parents experience…getting your child to sleep.

Some days I wish I had a time machine and could perhaps just go back and literally watch what my husband and I did with Davey in order to get him to sleep at night. Other days I really wish I’d done a better job of documenting his sleep patterns, but who would have really thought that would come in handy? I’ve even scoured through this blog to see if I had posted in advice on getting a baby to sleep. The only thing I found was that Davey HAD to be swaddled. It was the only way he would sleep. Henry? Not so much. So, now I feel like we’re starting over again, which technically we are.

Henry sleeps, but it’s not a quiet sleep. He’s a grunter and a moaner and it takes some time for him to fall asleep. Davey would immediately go back to sleep after he was swaddled and nursed. It was pretty easy peasy and I even found myself jumping up some times at night just to check on him because he was such a quiet sleeper. Not the case with Henry. I’m having to figure out a way to tune out all the grunts just so that I can get some sort of shut eye!

We’ve tried the swaddling. We’ve tried the rocking. We’ve tried the white noise (which by the way worked in the hospital on his 2nd night). We’ve tried his crib. We’ve tried the bassinet. We’ve tried giving him a bottle of breast milk. We’ve tried everything and what we seem to find right now that works the best (although not as good as anything did with Davey) is to put him in the Mamaroo alongside my part of the bed, turn it on, and let him go to sleep. Even then, he stills has the occasional grunt and moan, but not as bad as when he’s lying out flat on his back.

I’m sure I’m going to get some stunned comments about this post. I’m sure there will be some mother(s) out there who feel that I’m practicing unhealthy and perhaps unsafe sleep with Henry. I can assure you, we’ve taken every precaution necessary, but we ALL (including Henry) need some sleep.

I’ve googled possible diets I should be on in the event that it’s something I’m eating that’s passing through my breast milk that’s keeping him from sleeping. I believe he does have acid reflux as he want lie out flat to sleep and anytime we try to put him that way he immediately starts spitting up and then develops the hiccups that of course seem to anger him and keep him awake. I’m pretty adamant about breast feeding Henry, but I wonder if there is perhaps a type of formula I could try as a supplement?

So, with this blog, I’m really looking for some help out there, Moms. I know it’s early and I know I shouldn’t expect for him to be sleeping through the night quite so soon, but he should still be sleeping and not have to sleep on an incline. Any suggestions of what to try? And please, I’m really not interested in being berated or criticized for the fact that he sleeps in a Mamaroo right now. I don’t anticipate this lasting forever.

Much thanks!