Tag: holidays

Quicker Than We Know It

On By Doser3In Dreaming of Mommyhood - GeneralLeave a comment

For the past few days, it’s been agony in our house.   We’re back home from our two week vacation to Rochester and trying to get back into the swing of things.  I’m not sure what our problem has been, and by “our” I really mean my children, but to say they’re not getting along is an understatement.   The past few days I’ve found myself contemplating Baileys in my morning coffee, job searching, and even just running away from the house, leaving the boys to fend for themselves.

Yesterday I counted the days (including weekends) until school starts back for my children.  It was 46 days, so 45 today.   I’ve played around with the idea of creating a countdown board, one to help me through the days, but I thought it might depress the boys.  Apparently I don’t know my children as well as I thought.   When I told both of them how much longer they had until school started, I was met with cries of “that’s way far off” and “I don’t know if I can wait that long.”  Huh?  My kids are actually looking forward to school.  Imagine that!  Perhaps I will create that countdown board after all.

It’s as if the school seemed to know that I was desperate for the summer to be over as I received packets for both boys in the mail yesterday.  It’s your standard “welcome” packet complete with photography waiver, PTA dues, calendars, and volunteer opportunities.  Excitedly, I tore into the packets and perused through the calendar.   So much will be going on this year and I can’t wait for the adventures in learning to start.

This afternoon, I decided to begin work on the packets, first thing being to take the calendar and log in all essential days onto my personal calendar.   For the things I felt my husband needed to be a part of, I emailed a calendar invite to him so he could add it to his schedule.   I was feeling accomplished and for the first time all week, I’ve felt normal again, and able to breathe, but then things started to unravel as I continued adding events.

In September, there are two separate Donuts with Dad days that my husband will need to attend with BOTH boys.   As I entered those events and hit “ENTER” the next event popped up on my screen…Davey’s 5th Birthday.  My first born will be 5 this year.   5!!!!   Thanks, Google!   Way to give my heart a true smack for being so ungrateful.

I continued on into December, with another shouting from my calendar of “Henry’s 3rd Birthday”.  How is this possible?   How are my children going to be 5 &3?  How are these days going by so quickly and yet so painfully slow as well?

Fast forward a few months on my calendar and we’re into April when Davey begins testing for kindergarten readiness.   TESTING!!!!!  Gah!  I don’t know whether to be excited, happy, nervous, scared crapless, or worried.  Actually, I know what I am…I’m sad.   My first baby is growing up and will no longer be in preschool.  He’ll be in school, all day, every day.   He’ll have lunch without me.   He’ll spend six hours of every day without me.   He’ll have a life away from me, and as much as I’m exhausted with the two of them this summer, I’m saddened by how quickly life is moving for my little family.   Even when I’m so overwhelmed with the two of them and all I can think about is how quickly the day will be over, deep down I’m hurting.

Lately Facebook has been inundating me with memories of Davey.  There have been pictures of his first steps, the first days we were together as I became a stay at home mom.   There are memories of his silly faces, his dances, his “no pants Tuesday”, imitating daddy, cuddling with Dixie, eating breakfast on the back porch, learning to write, Facetime with Daddy for breakfast, dinner and bedtime (since daddy used to travel so much) and “reading” silently in his room.    It’s as if Facebook is insync with my moods and knows that I need these reminders even when I’m desperate for some peace, for some time away from my children.

People tell me I’ll miss these days all the time.   They’ve been telling me that for years, but I’ve chosen not to listen, to tune out their “all knowing” voices.   I’ve put my head down and found a way to plow through each day with my boys and just hope for the end of the day.   I tell these people they’re nuts, that I’ll “never miss these days,” but I will.  We all know I will.   Heck, I’m already missing the days when Davey had his little baby voice as he was learning to speak.   I already miss the days when I could pick him up and cuddle up with him.   I already miss the days of his chubby little munchkin legs (he’s begun to take after me and is getting tall and skinny).   There is so much my heart already hurts over, things that have long since gone.

It’s a shame it takes things like Facebook memories and school welcome packets to zap me out of my summer blues with the boys.

 

Goodbye, OCD

On By Doser3In Dreaming of Mommyhood - GeneralLeave a comment

There are things in life that must be a certain way.   Cabinet doors and drawers must be closed at all times.   The fat fold of the towels must be facing outwards in the closet and beds must be made.   These are my criteria for my house.  I don’t think they’re absurd, but to many these are difficult goals to attain.   I’m told that I have a bit of OCD, but I don’t think so.   I think I’m just your normal, average, every day person who likes things her way.   I’m human.  Well, yesterday I let that “human” persona slide away just for a little bit as I allowed Davey to have his very own Christmas tree in his bedroom and I allowed him to decorate it.

I blame this side of my personality on my mother, not that it’s a bad side, but it is a side that I perhaps should let fall by the wayside at times.   My mother has her own way of doing things.  She’s very particular and she prefers doing it herself.   It’s faster, it’s easier, she can blame herself if something goes wrong, and then there’s the sense of accomplishment with doing something on your own.

As children, my brother and I were never allowed to decorate a Christmas tree.   Christmas was, and still is, my mother’s favorite holiday.   She loves to decorate her house, erecting numerous trees for every room of the house, even providing each room with its own personal theme.    We weren’t allowed to help decorate because there was the concern we would break things, but mostly I think it’s because as children we didn’t understand the necessity to separate out the ornaments when placing them upon the tree.   We basically wanted to put them all in the same place.

Placing the first ornaments.
Placing the first ornaments.

Last year I allowed Davey to somewhat help me with decorating one of my trees and I encountered the same thing…his inability to see the full picture, or er tree.   He wouldn’t even walk around the tree, he just seemed to zero in on one spot, pulled in by the force like that of a magnet.   It was as if there was only one place for the ornaments to go, one place on a seven foot tree.   I had a hard time with this last year and my patience, or lack thereof, took over and I shooed him away.  This was definitely not how I saw my family decorating a tree.

He's so intent.
He’s so intent.

This year I decided that I would let Davey have his very own tree and since it’s in his room which no one really ever sees, then he could decorate it however he wanted.   The only stipulation was that he had to use a tree with decorations I already had or else make his own.  I think the thought of making his own and the time involved bummed him out.   Like his mommy, he doesn’t have much patience, and making ornaments would have delayed the erecting of the tree.   So, he chose to have my Clemson tree in his bedroom, a perfect choice considering his bedroom is a sports theme.

As he and Henry ate their lunches, I put the actual tree itself up, checking to make sure all lights were working and that there was an easily accessible power outlet.   Once that was completed and Henry was fast asleep for his afternoon siesta, Davey and I began the process of decorating the tree.   And true to his previous form, he wanted to put all the ornaments in one location.   And going against the grain, I stood back and let him.

My sweet boy.
My sweet boy.

Truth be told, it was a lot more fun than I thought it would be and probably the fastest I’ve ever had a tree decorated.   For me, it was nice to quickly mark that one off the list of trees that need to be put up.   For Davey, it was easily one of the most exciting times he’s had.   For every ornament he put on the tree, he would step back and say, “mom, come take a look at this.  Did I do a good job?”  I loved that he wanted to please me, but it also saddened me a bit to know that he was seeking out my approval.   I don’t want him to do everything to please me, especially things like decorating a Christmas tree.   I want him to really enjoy it and I want him to have these memories as he grows older.

Davey and the Christmas tree.
Davey and the Christmas tree.

I loved watching him as he would study the tree, walking around it a couple of times, looking for just the right spot, which like I said seemed to be right next door to the previous ornament he’d had.   I loved how he would stand back, after placing the ornament, and smile, proud of himself for what he’d done.  I loved how he didn’t want to handle the glass ornaments, but instead handed those to me, wary of himself actually holding them.   I loved how he wanted to just sit on his floor in the dark, looking at his lit Christmas tree.   I could see the sense of accomplishment in his eyes and it made me happy.  Happy that I had the ability to create another memory with him.

And…I was happy that I was able to cage up the OCD monster at least for this memory.

Christmas is a special time for everyone.   Some of the greatest and most treasured memories are made during Christmas.   I’m trying to keep that in mind this season as my boy’s are anxious to help Mommy do the decorating.   So, OCD, you’ll need to take a holiday from these holidays.