Forgetful…Was I Always This Way?

Yep, so I finally did it.  I finally broke down and bought a day planner.   It’s nothing fancy, and yes I do have an iPhone with a calendar, but it does help me to at least remember day to day events.   Unfortunately, I’ve still managed to forget one thing…a daily snack for my child.

I got an email today from Davey’s teacher.   She wanted to let me know that Davey hasn’t had a snack in his bag the past two days of school and she wanted to know if everything was alright.   Yikes!  I explained to her that it was completely my fault, that I was used to sending in a bag of treats monthly for the entire class.  It’s a lot easier to remember things once a month as opposed to every other day.   She explained it was alright, that she had provided him with some goldfish from a stash she keeps on hand (I suppose for dead beat parents like me).

I felt so guilty while reading the email.  I envisioned my sweet little Davey looking around at all the kids and their super yummy snacks all made by hand I’m sure from their super moms.   I could see his shoulders slump as his teacher gave him some of what she had, his embarrassment growing red across his body over the fact that his mom forget a snack.   I made him feel like Alexander, from the book Alexander and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  When he got in the car, I immediately apologized to him.  He shrugged his shoulders and said, “that’s ok.  I accept your apology.”  I prodded him more, eager (for some strange reason) to see if I had truly scarred my child.   Thankfully I didn’t, but this has me wondering just when did I become so forgetful?

I’ve always been a timely person, remember birthdays, following through with commitments, never needing a to-do list.   These days if I don’t literally write down the words “pack Davey’s snack”, then it’s like I’m suffering early onset Alzheimers, which worries me.

I’m told it comes with the territory of being a mom, that your mind is so overloaded it seems to go on the fritz from time to time.  So, does this mean that I will always be this way?   I will forever be a slave to the day planners and calendars I’ve NEVER used before in my 40 years on this earth?  I guess so.   In the meantime, I’ve now put a sticky note on the fridge, on Davey’s back pack, my bathroom mirror, and my steering wheel to remind me to pack Davey’s snack.

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Take a Look Through My Lens

Three years ago when Davey was about 9 months old, my husband and I bought a new camera. This isn’t just your easy, point and shoot camera. This is a Nikon 5100 complete with interchangeable lenses, filters, and manual operation. It’s not your high end camera, but it’s a little bit more advanced that the pocket sized digital cameras.

I’ve always had a fascination with photography. I’m mesmerized by it, by the things that the lens sees, things that perhaps the human eye doesn’t. Yeah, I know it’s all basically the same thing, but yet there are things captured on film that may never register with the naked eye. I love how each picture tells a story, the ones that are black and white to the ones of the squirrel sitting on the ground nibbling at an acorn. I’m intrigued by how a camera can pick up little nuances in a person’s face, moments that are so fleeting, that you may not have caught them just in passing. I adore the artistic side of photography and I find myself jealous of those who have this artistic ability that I can’t seem to master.

I’ve read books upon books, blogs upon blogs. I’ve taken classes, bought software and yet I’m still not as good as I was hoping to be. According to a class I took a couple of years ago, you really need to have a mathematic mind in order to take good pictures. I don’t have that, so I guess I’m screwed. I am; however, still eager to capture the growing moments in my boys’ lives. I still have this desire to try to take the beautiful pictures, the ones that could possibly be the winning picture in an amateur photo contest. I know I have this ability in me somewhere deep down, but unfortunately my boys don’t care to help me expand upon this.

Today was a beautiful fall day in the South. The temperature hovered around 55 degrees, with a bright sunlight that seemed to cast shadows on the ground and brighten up the beautifully changing leaves. Everyone was out today especially at our Falls Park in Greenville, SC. Before I go much further, let me take a moment to offer a quick plug for one of Greenville’s greatest attractions.

Falls Park is on the Reedy River. It is located between Main Street and a section once known as Camperdown Way. Years ago, the City tore down the bridge that was known as Campderdown Way to create a park that would highlight Greenville’s central attraction…The Reedy River. A pedestrian suspension bridge was built over the Reedy Falls, named the Liberty Bridge, which provides a wonderfully majestic view of the falls and the river. A park was created around the bridge, with fountains, open play areas, swings, and an outdoor amphitheater. A restaurant was also opened at the entrance of the park with sweeping views of the Reedy River. If you ever come to Greenville, please make sure to take a moment and visit this part of our city.

So, back to my autumn day at Falls Park. I thought it would be the perfect day to take some pictures of the boys. I had grand visions of well behaved children, holding hands as they walked across the bridge, stopping occasionally to look over and see the falls. What wonderful photo opportunities I would have! I’m sorry, but did I fall and smack my head at some point? What ever gave me the idea that I could perform a photo shoot with my boys? One of which acts like the Spawn of Satan and the other one who seems to be an aardvark, inhaling everything he comes across.

Yes, my boys…the bull in the china shop, otherwise known as Davey, and my impetuous taste tester who puts EVERYTHING in his mouth, otherwise known as Henry. Why would I have ever thought this was a good idea?

When Davey is outside he acts like a caged animal. Once the doors are open he runs like he’s been caged his entire life. Henry wants to keep up with him until he sees that bright leaf that has caught his attention and then he wants to chew on it, because apparently that’s his only sense…taste!

I spent an hour and a half yelling at Davey to slow down, stop running, look where you’re going, don’t throw rocks at the ducks, get away from that pigeon, don’t climb on the rocks, get away from that water, don’t jump in that puddle, until it finally culminated with him splashing around in the water fountains that are dyed purple for Alzheimer’s awareness. Yes! His hands are purple, almost the color of the toilets on the planes! He looks like he’s been shoving his hands into an airplane toilet!

Now, if I were a photographer and not a mom, I would have thought this cute and just snapped away with my camera, digitally marking all of this excitement, but I’m not a photographer, I’m a mom. I am a mom who just bought her boys matching outfits to wear for said photo shoot. A mom who is so exasperated with the oldest for ruining his brand new clothes that I almost felt like leaving him in the park!

He’s a strong-willed child, people say. He’s just a little boy, they remind me. He’s only three, they implore. Me? I just say he’s a little demon.

How did my photo shoot turn out, you ask? Horribly. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m depressed, because I’ll see all these other pictures on Facebook of my friend’s children who look so picture perfect. And I’ll think to myself, why do I bother? Then tomorrow will be here and I’ll have another “brilliant” idea to document the boys’ lives, and we’ll start this whole insidious cycle again. I’m a glutton, what can I say?

Once I take the time to calm down and actually review the pictures I’ve taken, you’ll find them on my Facebook page, Dreaming of Mommyhood.